This is a secret journal. Don't read this.

You know how people always tell you to "live in the now"? I totally am. I have no other choice. I can mainly only talk in present tense. My language class hasn't really gotten to the concept of the past or the future just yet.

Everything is going on right now and if you blink you might just miss it.

So to help me along in my education I've started with Swedish literature. I'm only reading the classics. And by classics I mean books intended for 10 year olds; you've gotta start somewhere. I'm about 3 pages into 'Berts Dagbok' (Bert's Diary). Bert is an 11 year old boy who keeps a diary about his school life. So far I've been reading about his overall thoughts of his classmates. The ones that like horses, which is surprisingly most of them, get low marks while others who are good at chatting up girls or excel in sports are tops. This Bert kid is likable, although he doesn't realize that sometimes girls who like horses are the sweetest. I'm wondering if he'll come around on this later in the story.

As I come across new words I'm looking them up and writing their definitions in the margins. I think I've got as much hand-written text as there is printed text. Learning curves are steep, especially in language. The difference between someone living here 3 months and 6 months is usually huge. I'm still finding myself in that beginners group where I can only form complete sentences some of the time. I talk like a toddler most often, stabbing at the subject and verb while those pesky connecting words don't always make it through.

I'm already starting to look up to this kid, this fictitious character Bert, because he's got all of these useful words at his disposal. It's sort of like when I get jealous of a kid on the bus that is blabbing in Swedish about something or other. The words just roll off their tongues, so quickly. I almost want to go up to them and start talking English super fast, throw in lots of slang, use geographical references they couldn't possibly relate to, confuse them, make myself feel better. That's just plain wrong. I'm levels behind these kids. They are my teachers. Every sound I hear is a lesson. I hear it all present tense.